From one of my favorite new random thing sorta groups I found on FaceBook – Hot Chicks with Stormtroopers.

Yes… apparently there is an Elvis Stormtrooper.

-OddBot

Anyone who has ever been to one of my cookouts can tell you one thing: I love condoms.

And now it, like your appetite, is ruined. One, by the fact that there are condom commercials that are consistantly advertising with a wink and a nod. Why can’t they just have a commercial that says “It feels less like your junk is a balloon animal”? And last month I saw this on TV. I hoped it would get people upset and they’d get offended like they do when they don’t have the right number of minorities in a McDonald’s commercial so that you know that everyone, everywhere from every walk of life is having shitty food too.

Try this trick and spin it:

Thanks. This way I can dream about Marcel Marceau helping me get ready for romance. Next up, the cross-over marketing campaign between Pennywise the Clown and Viagra.

-OddBot

There was a recent Washington Post article that summarized all of our fears. As the dollar shortens, we have all kept an eye towards efficiency. People join warehouse shopping clubs, the Oscars raise the number of best picture nominees to 10 each year and now we’ve moved from “Celebrity Deaths Come in Threes” to “Celebrity Deaths Come in OH GOD THEY’RE ALL DYING!”.

With the recent deaths of David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays and the entire first season cast of MTV’s Undressed, people are wondering if this is not a sign of the end of days or something ominous sounding. I for one have heard it everywhere that I’ve eaten recently, especially when I am wearing my “Ask me about the end of days” t-shirt.

There seems to be a master plan to who death is taking from what I can figure out about Death’s recent activities.

The only thing I can assume is that Death is trying to look good for the boss so he can get a promotion and he’s worried that Jesus Christ from Human Resources or Jenkins from Accounting is going to get that big comfy corner office.

-OddBot

Two of our cast members have their birthdays at this point in the week. Now, before any of you express shock, yes, we would like to point out that several of our cast members are actually AGE-positive. They take medicine and manage their condition and are very responsible when being intimate with their partners not to get any AGE on them.

Now, times like this (when your friends are riding the express lane towards death) make you think about your own mortality and make you appreciate that you aren’t as old as them. Especially the older one. That dude is fucked. Looks like the Crypt Keeper had a baby with the tanning bed in a senior citizens home, waited til it grew up and then married it off to another, older Crypt Keeper who worked in the sun a lot. OLD.

At any rate, as we age, so do we learn. We’ve been doing this Robot Johnson thing for coming up on two years and what a fantastic two years it’s been. Here are some of the highlights.

• We made people laugh their balls off.

Can you believe that we accomplished all that? Good times, man, good times.

At any rate, there we all were hanging out as a cast last night to celebrate the two birthdays at TGI Fridays (our favorite restaurant) and Brandon looks up from his Chips Ahoy!® Ice Cream Sundae and he says to me, me being Graham – not OddBot, he says

“Graham, I’m concerned that the ever encroaching flow of time will one day wash everything I love and value from this earth. As I sit here enjoying my Chips Ahoy!® Ice Cream Sundae, I can’t help but look at the Chips Ahoy!® Ice Cream Sundae and think ‘is my life, like this Chips Ahoy!® Ice Cream Sundae a brief moment to be savored with abandon and no regard given to it’s brief existance on the plate, which is eternity before the nothingness of existence that is my stomach consumes it, the metaphorical Chips Ahoy!® Ice Cream Sundae that is my life?’”

He and I looked at each other and knew that our lives were finite and would hopefully be full of joy. We both knew that we stood on the edge of nothingness and eternity and felt it pulling us over the edge.

Then Candice told us to stop being such “God-damned vaginas” and told the waitress to bring us several more Chips Ahoy!® Ice Cream Sundaes each. We ate until we were full. Also, Zaq had appletinis. Shortly after appletini #4 he hit on what he thought was a waitress while they were singing the happy birthday song.

In other news, Zaq woke up smelling like appletinis and shame.

-OddBot

Michael Jackson is dead. Don’t pretend like you didn’t wish it happened in 1991. In other news, never let the people around you telling you you’re a genius keep you from realizing that you’re a human being. If anyone tells you you’re a genius, immediately go outside and plant a tree. You’ll feel a little less brilliant and a bit closer to your real work. Also, doing honest work makes it tougher to feel inclined to have plastic surgery, dress up in pretend military regalia and do inappropriate things with those outside of your age range.

-OddBot