Hey Jerks. Last week, I found myself in an old-timey drug store that was so old school, I expected to see leeches and bloodletting services in the back. It was great. Here are some of the best products I found in it’s aisles.

1) Jogging in a Jug

Finally, fitness you can drink. Look at that happy 80′s couple! I imagine they’re jogging while talking about their love of the new hit single from Rockwell, “Somebody’s Watching Me.” I don’t know how easily you can see the label, so I took a closer picture…

Do you see it? Right under the logo! “There is no scientific evidence that Jogging in a Jug provides any health benefits.” What are you jokers at Jogging in a Jug trying to pull? You mean to tell me that shotgunning dark purple liquid isn’t the same as jogging 3 miles a day? You guys suck. I went to the website thirdoptionlabs.com, which is the company website of Jogging in a Jug, and discovered the product is manufactured in a lab in Cherokee, Alabama: the scientific center of the universe.

2) Sir Dignity

Dignity, indeed. Look at that model on the box. For a guy that needs adult diapers, he must do an ass ton of sit-ups.

3) Boudreaux’s Butt Paste

Of all the pastes, butt paste is my least favorite. Boudreaux’s has a wide selection of products, including rear glue, bum tape, and ass cement.

4) Fletcher’s Laxative for Kids

It’s tough enough being a kid. You get picked on in school. You don’t have any freedom, and you eat your fair share of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste, and now you can’t even poop when you want to. Luckily, your Mom went to the old-timey drug store and picked up children’s laxative. And it tastes like root beer! The problem with this product is that your Mom didn’t explain to you what kind of medicine she was giving you, and you crapped yourself, which is your worst nightmare when you’re 8.

And finally…..

5) Pedia-Lax Enema

NOOOOO!!!!! An enema for children. Yikes. See that penguin in the top right corner? Somewhere in the country, there’s a kid who hates that penguin. They have nightmares about that goddamned penguin. What the hell is that penguin doing? Is he riding down a waterslide? Is he jumping? Is he being violated with a plastic nozzle and enjoying the ride?

I did more at the old-timey pharmacy; for instance, there was a real life monkey wearing a scarf at one point, (true story) but that’s not what this post is about. Hope to see you at the show at CAST Theatre this weekend.

- SPK

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(The above picture I stole from google)

On June 19th, at CAST Theatre, 10pm: “The Robot Johnson Show” is taking on the topic of history.

Scientists have done some research, and they’ve discovered that kids hate history. But you know what kids don’t hate?

Dick jokes.

We’ve done some research ourselves, and this is always true. Always. George Washington crossing the Delaware? Yawn. George Washington crossing the Delaware with his crank in his hand? Comedy gold! So if you’re in Charlotte on June 19th, and you’re not at “The Robot Johnson History Show,” you’re an idiot. (Or you have to work.)

Thank you for your support.
-SPK

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Hello you Gorgeous Georges! It’s time for another “Today in Thrifty!” Our travels took us to the four corners of Charlotte. But Afrobot and I found a few eye feasts! So what do we have first? I’m glad you asked!

Is that a Power Rangers Dino Thunder poster? You’re damn right it is! Do you love art? You know what screams “art?” Dino Thunder, that’s what, you asshole! This wall installation will make you more appealling to whatever sex you enjoy. We could barely believe our good fortune.

Hours later, we figured there was nothing else the Thrifting Gods could show us. It seemed improbable something that would strike our fancy. But then, Rackroom Jesus showed us his face in this item:

Is that a karate trophy? Is that dude kickin’ that other dude? Am I in heaven? The answer to all your questions is yes! Who doesn’t love being rewarded for violence? This is a gift you can give to anyone, at anytime, and they will thank you. Call it what you’d like: The “I’m Gonna Kick You in the Face Award,” the “Mr. Miyagi,” or even the “Kickies,” everyone around you will love you for who you are, and what you believe in!

Thanks Afrobot for another terrific day of thriftin! THRIFTIN!!!!!!!!

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Hiya, Gang! In “Today in Thrify,” Robot Johnson’s very own Afrobot and I were working, and we came across two items that we thought needed to be shared with the 10 people who read this blog.

First item:

That’s right! Now you and all your friends can play the sexist, racist character known as Baretta from the comfort of your own home without having to Cosplay, which as we all know, is stupid bullshit! Is that a pimp, on the cover of the game? You bet! Is that pimp the ONLY black person depicted on the game’s cover? Yes again! It gets cut off in the picture, but Milton Bradley suggests that to enjoy this game to it’s maximum capacity, you should be between the ages of 8-14. Chug it, 15 year old! And thanks, Milton Bradley!

What else did Afrobot and I find whilst thrifting? I’m so glad you asked, Gang!

That’s right! It’s a Kurt Cobain lunchbox! Does your child look like the type that might blow off his/her own face with a shotgun? Are they hanging around with stanky whores? Are they the voice of their generation? Then we have found the lunchbox for you! I would have taken a picture of the other side, but unlike the person pictured on the lunchbox, the folks that whipped up this little dream come true are unimaginative tuckfards, who put the same imagine on the other side!

I think we can all agree, it was quite a day in Thrifty! Thanks, Afrobot! I couldn’t have done it without you! EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!

-PapaBot

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I did a google image search of Greenville, SC. And this picture was on the first page:

The only thing missing is that the guy didn’t misspell “abhors.” Shame, that.

We’re headed to Greenville tonight, and we’re probably not going to get picketed. It’s a shame, because the one time we did, it was a sold-out show. I wish I was kidding. We’ll be at “The Gathering Spot” this evening. Show starts at 9. It’s a celebration of comedy as it’s Pressure Drop Entertainment’s 1 year anniversary, and there’s going to be awesomeness. DO YOU HEAR ME? AWESOMENESS!!!! This next picture features little to no homophobia. Sorry, players.

This is a picture of a band playing at The Gathering Spot. I don’t know their name, but I’m sure they’re nice all around.

- Hondo

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