By now, some of you have probably heard, I’m suing the federal government(s). Before you look away, your skepticism alarm going off, please note: this is not a joke. I am actually suing the federal government. Here is the press release:

12/3/09

Robot Johnson’s Graham Odom sues federal government over unfulfilled FOIA request

Robot Johnson’s Graham Odom may make people laugh and may in fact be a joke, but his law suit isn’t.

Robot Johnson’s public relations guru and college recipient of a teabagging, David Golden said “Graham Odom, who some of you may know from his work in bars with emotionally fragile women who have been left by their friends, has had enough of the federal govenment or governments and has said “enough”, or at least something like it, it got a bit fuzzy towards the end, but I recall him saying something like that.

Graham Odom has a simple question for his Uncle Sam: “Why does the government keep cock-blocking me?” He has amassed, through numerous sessions on the internet and talking to pro-bono shaman and shawomen a bevy (approximately) of information to support his claim (“claim”, henceforth). Says Golden “If you’ve seen this evidence, and I have, you will certainly say ‘That is definitely evidence’ and we, the Robot Johnson comedy group and the Robot Johnson chemical defense contractor feel strongly about this.

“If you’ve ever been out at night and thought ‘This is the one, I’m definately going to get some tonight’ and your line didn’t work and you’re sure the woman heard it clearly, you should be warned: You may have been cock-blocked.

“In the words of Ronald Reagan, who every American has either heard of or slept with, ‘…the ten most dangerous words in the english language are ‘Hi, I’m from the government, and I’m here to cock-block you’. Graham’s freedom of information request asks – or, ‘requests’, in the legal jargon – that the goverment prove conclusively and without a doubt that it has not been involved in – either before or after – any blocking of cocks. Grahams in specific. Because he’s more than just my client. He’s also going to give me a ride home later.

When asked, Odom said “Alright”. When asked to further clarify his answer by responding to the original question, he said “Look. I’m just a guy and I want what anyone wants. I want the federal government to let me live my life in the way I choose it, which is mostly through the blatant, inconsiderate acquisition of women who are willing to sleep with me so that I can feel loved and then leave them because I would like to feel loved by someone who is more attractive or nearer to me geographically. And right now, I can’t. Some bureaucrat in Washington or Oregon or wherever they are is making those decisions for me.”

Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann (6th district, not totally unfuckable in kind of a sexy Down’s Syndrome sort of way) said “The federal government is un-American. Also, please call the hospital because my rabies has gone and flared up a little. We can keep talking though. Anyways, where was I? Oh, I said that? Uhm. That sounds like something I would say, but I don’t recall it. Do you ever wake up covered in blood? No? Hmmm. Bother. Did you say ‘Am I running for president?’ No? I could have sworn you did. Anyways, I think it would be premature to make a decision now. Right now, I just want to help this one regular American citizen – who is white, which is nice - get the federal governments strong, reassuring hands off his thing with the uhm… oh, it’s on the tip of my tongue… uhm… oh, penis. That’s the word I meant. Penis. America. ”

The federal government did not return calls seeking a comment by press time. “This is standard government behaviour. Ask them to justify their actions and you get stone walled”, Golden said while picking up the nearby ringing phone numerous times and hanging it up. “That was probably a prank caller.”

Speaking of private parts, Robot Johnson is opening up for Big Mammas House of Burlesque on Saturday at the Visulite in Charlotte, NC. Doors open at 8. You can get your tickets here. Buy your tickets in advance as these shows have a tendency to sell out on account of all the women. being half-naked. for hours.

-OddBot