Sweet mary (or whatever applicable religious icon you prefer, preferably with boobs with which to reassure yourself), it’s finally over-ish. No more presents, no more god-awful secular and non-secular seasonal music, no more people wearing funny sweaters. Oh, before I move too far beyond the point, I’m going to write a Christmas song some day. Apparently, it doesn’t even have to be good. Fuck, that Buble character is just singing the entire catalogue of Frank Sinatra all over again.

Anyways, it’s all over. All that’s left is New Year’s Eve, the lazy person’s party day. Traditionally people like to think of it as a reason to celebrate the clearing away of the past and a looking forward to the new year and all its possibilities. In actuality it’s a holiday filled with shitty entertainment options ranging from the droll and untalented to the morosely fucktarded (those options which involve a co-ordinated multi-time zone party), stupid paper hats and noise-makers, overpriced bottles of champagne and DUI checkpoints within DUI checkpoints. Top that off with a count down that in all likelihood isn’t quite accurate and the realization that most people paid $50 for the privilege of going out and being trapped in a smoke-filled idiot factory… Fuck it. It makes us look forward to the well thought out and historically important works of Saint Patrick’s day. Yes, Saint Patrick’s day: Because what the dye in green beer did to your more impolite bodily functions all the other years.

That’s why Robot Johnson celebrates New Years Eve on December 30th by getting together as a group, having a few drinks and watching the best of our soft core porn collection (mostly taped off of Cinemax) and then voting on who brought the best. Last year was won by Brandon with The Lusty Busty Babe-a-que and the previous year by Meghan with Sexy Sex Sex: An Erotic Sexcapade. Whoever wins is given an IOU for $100,000 from the group. This both says very positive things about where we’re headed, but says very little for our business acumen and common sense. We’re very pretty but very dumb (Except OddBot who is not at all pretty and is somewhat not-dumb).

It’s our holiday tradition that allows us to spend New Years Eve going to bed early, eating a decent bit of food and spending our $50 on lap dances like god intended.

Here’s to hoping you’re spending New Year’s Eve in a safe, sound place finding some auld lang syne in someone’s pants.

-OddBot