The new year is really going well. I found a party to go to that had chili, mac & cheese, swedish meatballs a variety of both nacho and not-nacho cheeses. It was fantastic. They had some sort of sports-thing on the television, which was alright. I got a little lost. I thought they fired a pistol at the beginning of the games to let all the athletes know when they could start beating the other team to death. Apparently whichever team won got a year’s supply of free roses. I just focused on my cheese buffet and pretended to be deaf so no one would ask me anything about the game.
I went to see Avatar earlier in the day and it was good. Avatar-good. Being a nerd, I kept wondering when the 10 foot tall alien’s bead-bikini would fall off. But here’s the thing that bugged me. I go to the box office to buy my two tickets (one for me and another just in case I should meet a sexy lady coming out of another movie and want to ask her to come to my movie) and the box office attendant asks “Do you want to see it in 3D or 2D?” It worries me, because it signals that we are apparently now entering a world of 2D-class citizens and 3D-class citizens. That’s right. Some people are now going to be able to see things with 50% more dimension than everyone else. Somehow or another this is a Republican scheme.
Now look, I didn’t vote for John McCain not because he’s a Republican, but because I am a white person and being a white person know what sort of shadiness they get up to. Hell, I was at the grocery store the other day and I started claiming things by planting flags. I was eventually escorted out for planting flags in a 32 oz porterhouse. Anyways, people getting to see extra dimensions is the sorta thing that happens when the Republican Free Market System® has run amock. We need to level the playing field using Obama Justice Juice® (from concentrate, may contain less than 3% real juice). Why don’t we simply make all movies 2.35D ? That’s splitting the difference between 2D and 3D, factoring in some loss due to government waste, regulatory compliance and toxic waste.
Why can’t we just go back to the days when we all paid for the obvious surcharges of going to the “nice theater” with its clean bathrooms instead of the “stabbed by teenagers, can’t hear the movie” theater with its “EZ Molest Bathroom” technology? It was much simpler.
Anyways, to summarize: Cheese party good. Avatar gooder.
-OddBot
22 responses so far ↓
1 Frank Terpitz // Jan 5, 2010 at 7:00 pm
I can think of a few theaters that have “EZ Molest” Technology. I can also think of a few malls that have the “EZ Piss – U – Off” Food Court.
Also, 3D is a rip off. I want smell o’ vision.
2 BlueColey // Jan 6, 2010 at 10:11 am
Where can I find Obama Justice Juice? My local grocery store doesn’t seem to carry that. Is that something I have to go to Trader Joe’s for?
3 OddBot // Jan 6, 2010 at 10:35 am
Obama Justice Juice is available within all of us. You had it all along. Just click your heels together three times and say whatever the teleprompter tells you to say.
Smell-o-vision was ruled unconstitutional in the 1970′s after an unfortunate incident where it was left on during a screening of a documentary about Woodstock in which several people were killed and two people were rendered permanently distracted.
4 BlueColey // Jan 6, 2010 at 11:38 am
Even Steven Colbert and Jon Stewart decided to broadcast in HD instead of smell o’vision. If Colbert and Stewart won’t touch it, it can’t be good.
5 BabyBot // Jan 6, 2010 at 11:58 am
GOODER than CHEESE PARTY?! These are lofty merits for a film indeed.
6 appleBot // Jan 6, 2010 at 11:15 pm
While I am truly sorry that you didn’t get to see small perky blue breasts at your movie, Oddbot. I am quite pleased that I didn’t have to stare at a moderate sized, uncircumcised blue penis for half the film. I mean, at least not during THIS movie.
7 OddBot // Jan 7, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Small? Those folks are in excess of 10 feet tall, which makes the relative size of those breasts not quite so small as far as their cubic displacement relative to “Earth Boobs”. They’re probably constantly pissed off by not being able to shop at Victoria’s Secret.
I, too am happy that you didn’t have to look at a moderate sized, uncircumsized blue penis for this film. I know you are saving that for the remake of either Smurfs or Thundercats, where you think that they will be more artistically appropriate.
8 appleBot // Jan 7, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Well I think I already got my quota for blue penis filled this year when watching the film Watchmen. I might even be good for the next several years.
9 OddBot // Jan 7, 2010 at 2:36 pm
I always thought squirrels stockpiled nuts for long winters, not blue penises.
10 appleBot // Jan 7, 2010 at 5:06 pm
When in Rome.
11 OddBot // Jan 7, 2010 at 6:33 pm
So you’re saying that the rest of the populous of Charlotte is a bunch of azure penis-hoarders?
12 Frank Terpitz // Jan 7, 2010 at 6:40 pm
I feel like I poked a nest of hornets.
Funny little hornets.
13 Candice // Jan 7, 2010 at 7:16 pm
BabyBot would like more blogs about cheese parties. And sandwiches.
14 appleBot // Jan 8, 2010 at 10:07 am
I like that Candice is flying her colors with her mexican flag/headshot. Be proud Candice.
15 Candice // Jan 8, 2010 at 6:00 pm
Thanks, but you can thank the ever delightful OddBot for that. I am waiting for him to surround your picture with Unicorns and stripper dust around HoochBot’s.
16 OddBot // Jan 9, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Is there an idea of Candice’s that isn’t awesome?
17 MoodyBot // Jan 10, 2010 at 1:58 pm
I’m feeling very left out of this conversation. Blue breasts, blue penis, and Thundercats? That should be a Moody-stravaganza. And yet I sit on the outside, looking in, toes going numb from the cold. Boo.
18 BabyBot // Jan 11, 2010 at 10:03 am
Don’t forget the cheese Dave. This is the most pertinent crux of the conversation as far as I’m concerned.
19 Candice // Jan 11, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Cheese and not sandwiches? I’m not buying it. Also, Dave gets 3 points for weirding me out…again.
20 Afrobot // Feb 8, 2010 at 4:29 am
Hey Moodybot, at least you got in on it waaay before I did. Now I have to scroll back up to remember what I wanted to comment on…
Mr. Frank Terpitz, if you want to see some “EZ Molest” Tech bathrooms I suggest you visit The Clock on South Boule. Their Rape Hall is one for the books.
OB, I too wanted to see blue chestbags. I would talk about ThunderCats but I don’t have enough room.
Candice, do you HAVE sandwiches?
AppleBot, I shudder to think about when one would want to see a blue penis.
BabyBot, I love you.
21 OddBot // Feb 8, 2010 at 2:46 pm
I think you’d want to see a blue penis if you have a blue vagina. Or some other complementary color, like yellow.
And there’s always room for chestbags, AB
22 Candice // Feb 10, 2010 at 8:54 pm
AfroBot – was it the ‘”pertinent crux” that did it?
Also, I do not currently have sandwiches. But I do know where to find some in case I need them for a quick bribe.
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