Things have never been this bad. Not only is my bed unfilled with supermodels, I’m currently so impoverished that I’ve been forced to sublet it. So now I have to remember not to knock down the false wall that divides my bed, les Otto the german imigrant be angered by my movement. My ability to remain absolutely still while being filled with terror and sadness has helped make an acceptable, if fragile calm between me and Klaus.

Sigh.

It’s probably for the best. They say that comedians are at their best when their lives are at their worst. 

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
-Mel Brooks

We also want to help other people succeed the same way so we make their lives a living hell with our clever, Oscar Wilde-an observations.

You’re fat, disgusting, foreign and fat.
-Clever Observation 

So, I take this opportunity to stop myself crying and start you all laughing (or not, probably). This week has been filled with comedic possibility.

• Overheard: “…you know, I watched Saw VI and it was pretty good. I don’t know why everyone hated it”
• Seen on a license plate: ”ROB THMS”
• Experienced: Checkout lady at grocery store: Asks for my ID so I can buy a 6 pack. “Sorry, I have to ask everyone. It doesn’t even matter how old they look. Not that you look old. Earlier today, the police busted a clerk at the Harris Teeter just up the road in a sting. They got charged like thousands of dollars. Thousands.”She’s finished ringing up my item – my only item – by this point and just keeps going on.”And you know what, I’m not going to be paying thousands of dollars. Because I’m not going to break the law. Nuh uhn. Not for you. Not for nobody”Slowly backing away.”I mean, I’ve got better uses for a few thousand dollars. I could go on a trip to see my relatives out west and stay in a really nice place. And to think. All for asking for ID, so yes, I’m going to be asking everyone. Have a nice day, okay!”
• Overheard: “Oh, god. Adam Lambert is so out there. It’s cool he can sing, but he just goes out there and shocks people. It’s great.” 
• Overheard: “If it hadn’t been for prayer, I never would have gotten laid. The night I prayed, sincerely is the night God granted my wish and gave me the most beautiful, sexy woman imaginable.”

From these moments that normally would prompt the ordinary person to roll their eyes and possibly bludgeon everyone around them with a rock, a comedian draws inspiration. For instance, I gain motivation to call myself a comedian, because calling myself a comedian  and impresses people a little bit and interests people who might buy me food. By contrast, the alternative is calling myself “someone who doesn’t bludgeon people to death for being idiots” which would scare strangers a little bit and would interest police a lot more than I’d like.

I guess this whole thing is a bit silly, really.

As soon as You realize everything’s a Joke,being The Comedian is the only thing that makes sense
-The Comedian – Watchmen

Where was I going with this? I think I was going to eventually make a point about the long term viability of the recycling policies of small-to-medium sized city waste disposal companies. Or gays.

Good job, OddBot. Start out talking about how you better understand life through comedy and then end up with hate speech.

-OddBot