I love Wal-Mart. You can find damn near anything there, unless you’re looking for things that are good or associated with happiness. And…

…you can find people who are concerned enough with their engine being stolen that they can take all that money they save with Wal-Mart’s low price’s and spend it on a nice deadbolt.

And this…

leads to several questions:

1. Is the house for rent or the squalor-fort?
2. Is this house owned by someone and they’re simply throwing out their unneeded For Rent sign?
3. What happened to the poor child and their broken legged parent?

-OddBot

To anyone who wanted to see us perform this past week, we apologize. Snow and random events got in the way last weekend. We celebrated in the normal method: splitting up into two seperate groups and going to a dive bar to drown our worries or going to a posh lounge to try and get a better understanding how awesome we are.

Drew, unfortunately, didn’t opt for either group and instead opted to go to South Park mall to try and get the Hollister & Co to compete against the Abercrombie & Fitch for his hard earned yup-bucks. Drew ultimately chose to have his suitors treat him to an all expenses paid trip to the food court where they proceeded to lavish him with the finest secret menu items that the California Pizza Kitchen  and Cinnabon had to offer. Finally, in a Drew-like display of Drew-fury, he toppled the table over and walked away, laughing. As the dejected salesmen sat up, pulling bits of quinoa and Cinnascience from their button up casual vests, they stood up in a confused agony, got each others digits and went back to work at their respective male attire experience salon.

Yes, it sounds like a totally horrible thing to do, but it’s actually kind of flattering when Drew does it.

Speaking of what folks in the group have been keeping themselves busy with, our group has been simultaneously turning out some of our best comedy in years and working on a ton of side projects. Here’s a few of them:

• Brandon Ballard has been working on ‘All the Great Books (abridged)’ with Stephen Seay. It’s theater. It’s comedy. It’s Brandon. Just go see it. Seriously, he’s funny at everything (apologies to Brandon’s Prom Dates for their horrible yet funny experiences.)
• Graham, who is often described as ‘The Funniest Human Who Has Ever Been” by some and “The Most Self-Agrandizing Human Ever Asked to Write about Himself” by others. He has also been writing with Creative Loafing, which is fun. He’s written a number of articles and is getting paid for them (which is the ideal way to do it), but is strangely waiting on a lot of them to be published on their site. Thankfully, he has no pride and the checks make for a nice substitute for his drinking money, so he’ll keep on writing and getting paid like he’s told to and leave the ‘showing his work to others to prove it is really real and not a delusion’ to others.
• Jason Blackman attempted to single-handedly murder everyone in the group, so we’ve been ignoring his Facebook pokes. He’s also been whoring himself off as an actor in commercials. You can spot Jason because the director wisely covered his face.
• Josh Lanier has gotten a job as the Arts & Culture editor for Charlotte Magazine. He’s been a talented writer for us, which leads us to the one and only thought we can have: Who is he murdering? He’s clearly too talented to want to be a member of our group on his own terms, which mean’s he’s got a body count that is growing and it must be impressive.  We’ve got a pool on what his eventual murderer name is. At the moment, the safe money is with “The Elaborately Planned, But Strangely Dedicated to Cheese-Themes Murderer of UNCC”.
• Luci Wilson & Meghan Lowther: They are starring in ‘The House of Blue Leaves‘ at the Duke Theater throughout March. It’s a play. It has people and scenes. I think they have lines. I have to say, I’m not especially knowledgable about theater that doesn’t involve dick jokes and sketches where people yell out racist things while holding a doll. If you aren’t sure how actual theater performed by people who are funny will be, you can check out their ‘Pay what you can’ night on March 7.The shill in me says “Go see these two very funny and talented women be very talented and talented together”. The blogger in me says “Seriously, we both know that you’ve watched tons of horrible movies for little or no reason, go see this play with people we like and have fun doing it. You’ll thank us for the absolute lack of Ashton Kutcher in it.”
• Sean Keenan has been working. Seriously, he’s been working, which is just fantastic. He does production work on some of the film stuff that comes through town (along w/ a few other folks in the group). You can tell he is a baller in the industry because his IMDB page has him listed as ‘Sean Keenan (I)’. That’s right. He is #I (I apologize if you don’t get it, it’s funnier if you know your roman numerals). There are a full 4 other Sean Keenan’s angrily nipping at Sean’s well-shod feet trying to become Sean Keenan I. I do have to wonder if Sean had one of his roles mis-attributed, though, as Sean Keenan III was on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy as ‘Straight Guy’, which, if you know anything about Sean, you know he’s straight. Actually, that’s inaccurate. If you know anything about Sean, it’s that he loves to get angry while gesturing with a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. If you know two anythings about Sean, it’s also that he is straight.At any rate, Sean has been writing a few articles for CharlotteMagazine.com (perhaps through lavishing Josh with whatever bribe is needed to guest-blog for a site. Maybe he gave him a half-eaten bag of chips or a back issue of Green Lantern that he accidentally got two of.’Famous Adjacent’ blogs:
  • Jerry Richardson wanting $125 Million
  • Valentine’s Day
  • Find your own cape day
  • One of the best sketches ever written
• Tania Kelly & Ryan Stamey are doing some work with Time Out Youth. If you’re looking for a variety of entertainment options in one night, you should check out Time Out Youth presents Celebration of the Arts on March 2. RoJo will be appearing as well.

-OddBot

We’ve got a new show coming up on 2/15 (Fri) and 2/16 (Sat) if you’re interested in coming… you know, if you like things that are awesome. We’re going to have new sketches and we’re going to adopt a kitten LIVE on stage.

-OddBot

I was on the Creative Loafing site the other day, as one is when one wants to understand the width and breadth of life in Charlotte. Or when you want to know what strip club has a discount. And what should I see? These ads.

Does this mean that Charlotte is getting a Dollywood? Is Dollywood going to replace Carowinds? Is Dollywood a travelling show? Is Dollywood a new dining experience with singing, dancing people? Also, why is the only black person in this ad not only in the back, but completely unseeable?
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!!

-OddBot

Hello loyal Robot…. whatever-our-group’s-name-is readers,

We love that you come to read our blog. It’s one of our favorite things… except for sex and booze and money and money for sex and booze and video games and making people think that we like foie gras. But now, we’re going to make you stop reading our blog for a minute and go read other blogs. You see, our friend Sean, the salt-and-pepper hair support group member and incidentally the joker who dragged this weird mix of horrible people together to for the conjoined monster that is Robot…. whatever-our-group’s-name-is, you see Sean is a blogger-for-a-day with Charlotte Magazine. I’ve been told that is like being elected president, only if you are shot, no one will jump in front of a bullet for you.

So you should go read his blog-for-a-day and share your happiness with him through the comments.

-OddBot