So, we’ve done lots of classy stuff over the years; Robot Johnson started Charlotte’s now famous Feed a Street Urchin charity banquet. We place our coats over all sorts of puddles whether they be mud, beer or urine. We practically invented the combination Beer Helmet / Opera Binoculars. Now, we do perhaps our classiest act of all.

We open up for Othello. That’s right, Othello, like the one you could have learned about in school but no, you had heard that the movie for Romeo and Juliet featured full-frontal nudity of some hot actors, even if they had like 70′s hair or whatever and you had to watch that one.

We’re working w/ Collaborative Arts Theatre (who is running the Charlotte Shakespeare Festival). Die hard followers of Robot Johnson (our significant others and lonely shut ins, mostly) will remember our work with them for Sitcoms Live! a few years back, for which we won an awesome Metrolina Theatre Association Award and a okay hand-job from an MTA judge. We don’t know for a fact that our work here will get us another award, but we can say without a doubt that we will probably get to the end of our show without wetting our pants. Bold statement? Perhaps, and difficult to pull off, but it’s no less than the awesome play Othello deserves.

We hold our bladders for you, Shakespeare. We hold our bladders for you.

Even though the show has many performances this week, we’ll be performing at two shows only. Thursday, 8/12 (we’re on at 6:30pm and Othello is on at 7:30pm) and Sunday, 8/15 (we’re on at 2:00pm and Othello is on at 3:00pm). Admission is free (donations are heartily accepted by Collaborative Arts Theatre, if you’re interested, though). Seating is first-come, first-serve. Show up early and have a great time, yo.

Full details on the show and the festival are available here.

-OddBot.

Hey, as mentioned in previous This Weeks in Thrifies, these are from my foray into an antiques shop in Belmont. Enjoy:

Any Bitch Can Write A Book With A Title Designed to Inspire Feminist Purchasing of a Book Which - While Never Read – Will Be Used As A Personal Statement Left On A Bookshelf As Part Of Their Anti-Male Hegemony Design Scheme Which Is Not A Design Scheme (Because That’s Just A Concept Forced On Us By Men), But Thanks For Noticing Anyways

Smiling cow with lipstick flashing its udders in front of an Elton John bobblehead that actually just looks like David Letterman in drag? Check.

I worship only Arakrnesh: homely, big-tittied goddess of the cabbage patch dance.

That ends my Week in Thrift. I hope you’re happy now.

-OddBot

As promised, more making lemonade from lemons on THIS WEEK IN THRIFTY!

Normally, we don’t really quote scripture on this blog on account of us trying to get a hot date with Satan’s sister, but we’ll make an exception: Galatians 4:16 : “Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?”

Many people misattribute that claim to The Book of Barbershop 2:12, but that is incorrect.

Also, you should take note that this solemn picture of hope was apparently hoping to be sold with it’s companion product…

Yes, you could have the 4 off-brand car floor mats for half-price with the purchase of this patriotic, inspirational african-american hair care portrait.

 
Wow, a very old mahogany buffet for less than $800? This place is classy. How classy? Check out the label they wrote it on.

I can only assume this was a halloween costume someone wore the year they dressed up as “The Full-body Featherduster Rapist”

OH FUCK THERE’S A FIRE! THROUGH THE WICKER BARRIER TO SAFETY!

I know it’s the obvious joke, but somewhere out there is the not-improved foot warmer that destroys your feet

Hell, and there’s even more of these things coming. Check back Monday for more. That’s right. This week in Thrifty is taking a whole goddamn week to get through!

-OddBot

I love a good road trip. They can be so cathartic. They can also introduce you to a whole new array of strangers who could kill you, but that seems to be pessimism… Which is not what I am about. I am about optimism. And poon. Always the sweet, sweet, preferably free poon.

Thus, a few weeks back I went with friends to a wine festival in Belmont, NC (fun fact: site of the first nuclear bomb test in the USA). It was fun, even if it was a bit underattended (It was Belmont). On the upside, it was right next to a little antique place, which gave me fodder for this week’s “This week in thrifty” (and yes, I realize antiques are not technically thrift and that this should be ‘this week in overpriced salvage).

This piece of modern art was brought to you by your nightmares after that NASCAR-themed rave you went to. What confuses me is not the man’s Hulk Pants, but where that poor girl with the cleft pallet’s left arm is.

 
 Now, I like Sublime’s music, but I don’t know how I feel about their mammy-themed line of skin care products. This is worse than Wham’s line of ball-peen hammers.

This particular collection of dolls is one I call “United Nation of Nightmares”. Also, someone clearly didn’t do too well in “Intro to doll eyes” at Doll University.

Who needs Dolce & Gabbana when you could have an authentic Sweetface purse? You’d be a fool to pass this up.

This book has everything in it. It addresses the sum-total of christian taboos. For example:

“Where does a single woman over 30 go to get rid of loneliness”. Yes, the theological hot potato that is talking about a 30+ year old woman (a larval cougar) trying to get laid.

And that’s all for today, but I had plenty more pictures from this excursion. Check back Friday for that.

-OddBot

Hey Jerks. Last week, I found myself in an old-timey drug store that was so old school, I expected to see leeches and bloodletting services in the back. It was great. Here are some of the best products I found in it’s aisles.

1) Jogging in a Jug

Finally, fitness you can drink. Look at that happy 80′s couple! I imagine they’re jogging while talking about their love of the new hit single from Rockwell, “Somebody’s Watching Me.” I don’t know how easily you can see the label, so I took a closer picture…

Do you see it? Right under the logo! “There is no scientific evidence that Jogging in a Jug provides any health benefits.” What are you jokers at Jogging in a Jug trying to pull? You mean to tell me that shotgunning dark purple liquid isn’t the same as jogging 3 miles a day? You guys suck. I went to the website thirdoptionlabs.com, which is the company website of Jogging in a Jug, and discovered the product is manufactured in a lab in Cherokee, Alabama: the scientific center of the universe.

2) Sir Dignity

Dignity, indeed. Look at that model on the box. For a guy that needs adult diapers, he must do an ass ton of sit-ups.

3) Boudreaux’s Butt Paste

Of all the pastes, butt paste is my least favorite. Boudreaux’s has a wide selection of products, including rear glue, bum tape, and ass cement.

4) Fletcher’s Laxative for Kids

It’s tough enough being a kid. You get picked on in school. You don’t have any freedom, and you eat your fair share of Boudreaux’s Butt Paste, and now you can’t even poop when you want to. Luckily, your Mom went to the old-timey drug store and picked up children’s laxative. And it tastes like root beer! The problem with this product is that your Mom didn’t explain to you what kind of medicine she was giving you, and you crapped yourself, which is your worst nightmare when you’re 8.

And finally…..

5) Pedia-Lax Enema

NOOOOO!!!!! An enema for children. Yikes. See that penguin in the top right corner? Somewhere in the country, there’s a kid who hates that penguin. They have nightmares about that goddamned penguin. What the hell is that penguin doing? Is he riding down a waterslide? Is he jumping? Is he being violated with a plastic nozzle and enjoying the ride?

I did more at the old-timey pharmacy; for instance, there was a real life monkey wearing a scarf at one point, (true story) but that’s not what this post is about. Hope to see you at the show at CAST Theatre this weekend.

- SPK